


Do They Know It's Christmas?

by ThayerKerbasy



Series: Hell on Earth [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Eldritch Bunker - Freeform, F/M, Fluff, Hellhounds, Juliet POV, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker, Post-Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-15 00:31:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13019463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThayerKerbasy/pseuds/ThayerKerbasy
Summary: It's been a few months since Juliet settled in to live with her people in their Bunker Palace.  She was just getting used to the way things were, but then little things started to change.





	Do They Know It's Christmas?

**Author's Note:**

> If, for whatever reason, you haven't read the rest of this series, I highly encourage you to start at the beginning. I'm ridiculously proud of the story which Grey and I crafted together. This can theoretically be enjoyed on its own, but it isn't quite the same.

Juliet’s new life with her new master was nothing like her old life back in Hell, but it had its moments. She was free of the many demons who had threatened her former master, she was given all the treats and pettings she could want, and instead of chasing down contracts, she helped her people hunt monsters. The Bunker Palace even played fetch with her every now and then. Sometimes she missed her friends in Hell’s kennel, but she visited them during those rare moments when her new people wouldn’t miss her.

The leaves had fallen from the trees and night brought a chill that left a layer of frost on everything. The seasons turned and her former master was still gone. Juliet had accepted that he was never coming back. She still missed him, but she thought about him less as the seasons changed. Wherever he was, she hoped he was happy.

There were two sorts of routines in her new life. In the “staying home” routine, there was following her master through his day, guarding him while he made food, watched things on the laptop, read books, and did what he called chores. There was also usually a point in her “staying home” routine where she was politely asked to go visit Samoose — and sometimes Eileen — so her master and Cas could have alone time, but she had long ago decided that was alright.

The other sort of routine was the “going hunting” routine. That involved staying in the car beast while her people gathered information, then visiting the hunting grounds to catch the scent of her target while her people looked at things they felt were important. From there, she usually tracked the scent while her people followed in the car beast, and then they hunted together. Hunting trips were good.

Recently though, things had been altering her routines. It had all started when her master had been watching something on the laptop. The thing had asked if her master was ready for the holidays, and if he needed more lights or a ladder to stand on. By the end of it, the corners of his mouth were turned up and he had a faraway look in his eyes. He closed the laptop without watching any more.

That had led to her master talking to Cas and Samoose about something he called Kriss Mess. Her master wanted to do Kriss Mess things, and both Cas and Samoose were okay with that. From there, one thing led to another, until Juliet was left behind at the Bunker Palace so her master could take a trip to town for supplies. She was disappointed until the Bunker Palace took the opportunity to play fetch with her, unobserved.

Nothing was the same after that. When they returned, Samoose made his phone thing play music that sang about such things as snow, fire, and someone called Santa Claws. The topics didn’t seem to fit the cheerful tone of the songs, but humans said a lot of confusing things. She was willing to ignore the strange songs, but then her people busied themselves attaching coloured lights to the walls, which served no purpose as far as she could tell, and her master sang along with the music in that awful “avoiding all the right sounds” way of his. Juliet tilted her head and whined.

“Somethin’ wrong, girl?” asked her master.

Cas looked from her to her master before answering, “I think she’s confused by the lights, Dean.”

“Well, that makes sense,” her master replied. He stepped down off the chair he’d been standing on and scratched behind her ears. “S’okay, Juliet. We’re just decorating for Christmas. Makes the place look nice, don’t you think?”

When he put it that way, the bright twinkling lights _were_ nice to look at. While Cas took more lights out of their boxes, Samoose wound shiny stuff around the lights that were already up. Juliet’s master ruffled her ears, then climbed back on the chair again and resumed hanging lights. When he picked back up singing along with the song again, Juliet opted to join him. Since he never sang the same sounds as the songs, she made no effort to do so either, choosing instead to howl as softly as she could so they could still hear the music.

Almost as one, the three of them whipped around to look at her. She still wasn’t very good at reading expressions on meat faces, but Samoose chuckled and said, “She’s a better singer than you, Dean.”

Her master grinned. “We’re both just gettin’ into the Christmas spirit, Sammy. Should try it sometime.”

Samoose laughed, but he joined in on the next song, and shortly after, so did Cas. Juliet could have tried to match the song like they did, but her master might have felt lonely if she did, so she howled along with his tune instead. By the time they were done, the book room and the food room both sparkled with lights and all of her people wore smiles, even Cas.

*

Time was still a difficult concept for Juliet, but she had learned that from one sleep to the next sleep was called a day, so she knew it was a few days later when her master asked if she wanted to go for a car ride. Of course she did! If she didn’t go with him and warn away any other car beasts that might attack, he was at risk.

Cas decided to go, too, but Samoose decided against it, saying, “I’m sure whatever you choose will be fine. I’m gonna stay here and make sure we’re not missing any cases.”

Her master laughed. “Sure. Cases. By which you mean facetime with Eileen. Gotcha.”

Juliet was intrigued, but she didn’t need to be told the purpose of their expedition. She only needed to protect her master and Cas from anyone who might attack them. It was probably just a trip to the “Farmers Market” place that didn’t sell farmers. Still, she was definitely going to see what she could learn.

Unlike their usual trips, they instead piled into Cas’ car beast — her master called it a truck — which didn’t have room for Juliet inside, so she rode in the back. The wind rustled her fur as they drove. After a satisfying journey during which Juliet scared away every single oncoming car beast, they arrived at what looked like a forest, but one where all the trees were small.

It hadn’t registered while they were moving, but once they stopped, it was easy to see the little bits of white stuff that slowly drifted from the sky. They were tiny and cold and they turned into water when she licked them. Her master stopped to grin at the falling white things, then stuck out his tongue until he caught one.

Juliet did the same, but didn’t enjoy the tiny splash of cold on her tongue when she caught one. Her master chuckled and patted her side, then grabbed a sharp metal thing from the truck beast and said, “C’mon, let’s go find us a tree.”

His words made no sense. There were plenty of trees to choose from and finding a tree was as easy as looking straight ahead. Apparently Cas had the same thought, because he said, “Dean, why do we have to find a tree? What’s wrong with these ones?”

“We don’t want just any old tree,” replied her master. “We need to find _the_ tree. We’re lookin’ for a tree that doesn’t have any bald spots, no scraggly open spaces. It’s gotta look full. No Charlie Brown trees for us.”

Well, that still didn’t explain what the tree was for, but at least she knew what he wanted. Juliet raced ahead into the very small forest and gave each tree a brief glance until she spotted a likely candidate. Taking note of her find, she dashed back to where her master and Cas had only just reached the trees and barked at them.

Her master jumped a little. “Dammit, give a guy a little warning next time, wouldja? What’d you find? You want us to follow you?”

Juliet nudged his hand in apology, then danced in place a bit before leading him and Cas to the tree she had found. Her master took one look at it and chuckled. “That’s a good tree, Juliet, but it’s too small. We want one that’s about as tall as me.”

Her enthusiasm undiminished, Juliet set off again in search of the perfect tree. She was able to move much faster than her people, and she was an experienced hunter, so it only made sense that she hunt down the best tree. Racing past any tree shorter than her master, she checked them all until she found one that seemed to fit his needs.

Bounding over to her people once more, she paused and bumped her nose against her master’s arm before barking again. He laughed. “Can’t say you didn’t warn me that time. You find somethin’?” 

She barked again and led them both to the tree she had found. Her master looked it over carefully, then gave her a pat. “Looks good. It’ll look great covered in lights. Let’s get it home.”

He used the sharp metal thing to cut the tree and was then about to drag it away when Cas stopped him. “Wait Dean. We need to replace what we took.”

Cas looked through the tree’s branches until he came out with a thing that looked like it was made of brown scales. He then scraped a bit of a hollow in the dirt with his foot, placed the thing in the hollow, and filled the surrounding space again. “There, that’s the pine cone with the best potential. The seeds inside should sprout into a new tree in the spring.”

What an amazing thing! Juliet had never considered where new trees came from, but she never would have guessed the little scaly brown things. She spent every free moment on the way back to the Bunker Palace — whenever she wasn’t scaring away ferocious car beasts — searching the tree for more that looked like the one that Cas had shown her. She could do the same thing he had done and add more trees to her hunting grounds outside the Bunker Palace.

When they got back, Juliet left her master and Cas to carry the tree wherever they were taking it and she ran off to make more trees. She had managed to carry away three of the little scaly things in her mouth, so she carefully placed each one in its own little hollow in the ground at the edge of her forest beside the Bunker Palace. It took hardly any time at all, so when she was done, she was able to jump through the nearest pool of shadow into Hell and back again, so she emerged inside the Bunker at the bottom of the stairs.

Her master and Cas were trying to carry the tree down the stairs, while at the bottom, Samoose and Eileen were guiding them with words. Had Juliet known, she would have helped, but they were almost done. She couldn’t begin to imagine why her master wanted a tree inside, but he had mentioned lights. Was it another Kriss Mess thing?

Between them, they heaved the tree down the stairs into the book room and set it in a metal grabby thing that held it up, then Eileen poured some water in the grabby thing. Juliet had only begun to ponder that mystery when Samoose brought over two big bags and said, “Alright, let’s make some Christmas magic.”

Magic? There was Kriss Mess magic? Juliet wondered if it was any different from regular magic. Maybe it was shinier.

Her master reached into one of the bags and brought out more lights like the ones they had put on the walls. Cas helped him unwind them and then together they wrapped the lights around the tree. Meanwhile, Samoose and Eileen had a box of shiny ball-shaped things and they were giving the balls each a metal hook. Were they for torture? Juliet had only ever seen metal hooks used for torture, but her people had never tortured anything that she had seen — except for that one time her master had tortured himself, but that wasn’t a time she liked to dwell on — so that didn’t make any sense. Rather than wait and see if there would be torture, Juliet nudged her master’s hand and whined her query at him.

He must have been in a good mood because he chuckled and said, “We’re decorating the Christmas tree, girl. Like the lights we put up before, y’know? It’s just one of those things you’re supposed to do for Christmas. I mean, we’ve never been able to have a real Christmas before, but we’re gonna do it right this year.”

So they were working a difficult spell they’d never managed to get right before. That made sense. It was the season where the barriers between worlds were thinnest. If they wanted to make powerful magic, they had chosen well. She still wanted to know what the Kriss Mess magic was meant to do, but she could wait.

Samoose and Eileen used the metal hooks to hang the shiny balls on the tree sacrifice — as Juliet now understood was the reason for the living thing. Her master and Cas finished with the lights and moved on to the other things in their bag. The things were made of something fuzzy and had little strips of fabric in a loop which they used to hang the things on the tree, sort of like the metal hooks. The thing her master hung up was a soft eyeball with red tendrils hanging off of it, and a green hat on top with white trim. The eyeball thing held a tiny toy bear with little bead eyes.

When Samoose saw the eyeball thing, he wrinkled his nose and said, “What the hell, Dean? What kind of Christmas ornament is that?”

Her master grinned broadly. “Some lady was sellin’ a bunch of handmade ornaments. It’s important to support local business folks, wouldn’t you say, Sammy?”

Cas hung up what looked like a Kriss Mess tree with a very angry face on it. Juliet thought maybe it was meant to scare their own tree sacrifice into cooperating with their magic.

Rummaging around in the bag, Eileen pulled out a small gun made of wood which also had a little fabric loop for putting it on the tree. She grinned and showed it to Samoose. “Who says we need to be traditional? I think they look like hunter-style ornaments.”

Juliet couldn’t speak, but if she could she would have agreed. She knew from her former master that spell components didn’t always have to be exactly the same every time, as long as it was what the spell wanted. So the shiny things must have been offerings and the soft things were to tell the sacrifice what would become of it. Juliet approved of their methods.

When they were done, the tree sacrifice was bright and shiny and it looked nothing like it had outside. Her people stood and admired it while her master went to the food room, because he said they had earned beers. Juliet couldn’t figure out what magic they were trying to work, but she was excited to see the results.

*

The tree was left undisturbed, as was traditional for a sacrifice. The next day, Juliet’s master talked to someone on his phone thing, and when he was done, he said they were going on a hunt with Mom. Juliet still hadn’t made up her mind about the person her master called “Mom”, but the person seemed to like Juliet’s master, so Juliet was leaning in the direction of liking her.

It was a quick and easy hunt with all of them along. The vamps died easily and none of Juliet’s people got hurt. When they were done and ready to leave, her master stopped the Mom person and said, “Hey, provided the world ain’t comin’ to an end or somethin’, we’re planning to do the whole Christmas thing back at the bunker on Monday. If you maybe wanna join us, you’re more than welcome.”

The Mom person smiled and replied, “I’d like that.”

They parted ways soon after, with Samoose riding in Eileen’s car beast and Juliet with her master and Cas in the Impala beast. The ride back to the Bunker Palace was full of talk about Kriss Mess. After cautiously allowing a few car beasts to pass by without warning, Juliet settled in to listen quietly in the hopes of learning more.

“Man, it’s gonna be so awesome havin’ everyone together for Christmas,” said Dean. “I think I’m gonna pick up a buncha stuff from the grocery store on Friday so we can have a big Christmas breakfast.”

“That sounds nice,” replied Cas.

“I was thinking of maybe making Christmas cookies tomorrow. Whadda you think? Wanna join me?”

“I’ve never made cookies before.”

“That don’t matter. I’ll show you what to do. It’ll be fun. We can decorate gingerbread men with Sam’s awful fashion sense.”

“I don’t think you’re in any position to judge Sam’s clothing.”

“Okay, first of all, I refuse to accept criticism from a guy who can count his total wardrobe changes on one hand. And two, I’m buyin’ Sam a jacket for Christmas in a colour that ain’t burnt fuckin’ orange.”

“First of all, I like these clothes, and second, what’s the protocol for Christmas gifts? Am I expected to give a gift to everyone I know or should I concentrate only on the people who will be at the Bunker on Christmas day?”

Gifts for Kriss Mess? Juliet had never heard of a spell requiring the exchange of gifts, but she certainly wasn’t an expert on the subject. Grateful that the few car beasts on the road had refrained from attack, she pricked up her ears so she wouldn’t miss a word.

“Well,” said Dean, “uh, couples usually give gifts to each other, but then give as a pair to their loved ones. So we can just pick stuff out together, y’know, if you don’t mind. I was gonna pick up somethin’ for you, Sam, Eileen, Mom, Juliet, an’ a lil’ somethin’ for Jody an’ the girls.”

Her master planned to get her a gift? Was she supposed to get him something, too? Juliet loved mysteries, and Kriss Mess was turning out to be a good one, but a gift for her master would take some thought and planning. She was definitely up to the challenge, though.

Cas smiled. “Can we go to the Hot Topical again for Claire’s gift? I think I saw anti-possession sigil earrings that she might appreciate.”

“I never thought I’d say this, but yeah, we can go back to Hot Topic.”

From there, they discussed gift ideas for others, none of which made much sense to Juliet, so she gave some thought to her own gifts. She didn’t know how long she had until the Kriss Mess ritual, so all her gifts would have to be easily acquired. She would need to be creative and quick. She had neglected her job long enough, however, so Juliet reluctantly set aside that task and set about delivering a proper warning to the other car beasts on the road. Nobody was going to dare challenge the Impala beast on her watch.

*

Kriss Mess cookies turned out to be small, sweet, crunchy things in the shapes of other things. They didn’t seem to have anything to do with working powerful magic, unless they were meant to be the feast before a great sacrifice. Juliet patiently watched her master teach Cas how to make them and was rewarded for her patience with one of the finished cookies. Hers was shaped like a deer but it didn’t taste anything like deer meat. It was a little sweet, a little crunchy, and tasted like spices she had never tasted before.

She stared at her master silently until he laughed and gave her another one with the admonition, “Alright, but that’s the last one.”

Her master was so good. The new cookie was shaped like a tree, but tasted exactly the same as the first one. Juliet thought cookies might be one of her new favourite things. The process to create them might have been where Kriss Mess got its name, though. The food room had never been quite so messy. Strangely, her master didn’t seem at all upset by it.

The next day, her master declared it was Kriss Mess shopping day. He, Cas, Samoose, and Eileen were going to go to the mall — whatever that was — to get Kriss Mess presents, and then buy foods for Kriss Mess breakfast on the way back. It meant Juliet was left behind because for some reason, her master didn’t like to take her amongst large crowds of people. Normally she would have been upset about being left behind, but with everyone gone, it was a rare opportunity she couldn’t pass up.

Coming up with the right gifts for her people had not been easy. It had been quite a learning experience, adjusting to life with mortal humans instead of demons, but one of the first things she had learned was that freshly dead things didn’t make humans happy. It had taken a lot of days for her master to understand how to congratulate her for a good kill, but it seemed that was because he didn’t like seeing her kills. It was something Juliet had come to accept, but it unfortunately meant she couldn’t give him freshly-killed meat for his Kriss Mess gift.

Since her master owned everything her former master had once owned, it was difficult coming up with something he might want. But then, inspiration struck. With everyone else gone, it was a simple matter to travel through the shadows to the Market that didn’t sell farmers. Regular humans couldn’t see her without the help of those face glass things that Samoose, Eileen, and the Mom person wore, so Juliet was able to pass through the Market unseen.

During the warmer months, the Market had been outside, with tables set up under fabric roofs propped up by sticks. Cold and wind had chased the people inside, so there were no fabric roofs, just lots of tables set up in a large building with one large room. There was less of what her master called rabbit food and more handcrafted things, which was ideal for Juliet’s needs.

Careful to avoid contact with humans, Juliet wove her way through the sparse crowd of people, ducking low under tables and waiting for an opening before darting across the room. Though her skills were underutilized since her former master left, she still prided herself on her stealthiness, and tried to practice whenever she could. Her forest outside the Bunker Palace was a good place to practice, and the small fuzzy things that lived there routinely filled her belly.

Once Juliet reached the table she wanted, she realized there was a bit of a problem. Through her former master, she knew that it was customary to exchange something you had for something you wanted. Hell traded in souls and mortal humans traded with bits of coloured paper and metal discs — the colours and designs were different in different parts of the world, but the tradition remained the same — but Juliet didn’t have any souls, paper, or metal discs to trade.

Looking around the room at the various people and things, an idea occurred to her. Taking note of which table she was under, Juliet leapt into the shadow beneath her feet and raced through the shadows into Hell, emerging in a room she had once shared with her master on the rare occasions he had spent any time there. Some few things had been taken, but the thing Juliet wanted was still there, hung on a hook on the wall. She grabbed it between her teeth, unhooked it with a quick jerk, and carried it through the nearest shadow with her.

When she returned to the Market, thanks to the way Hell time worked, nothing had changed. While she waited for the people around the table to move away, Juliet examined her prize. It wasn’t something she had worn often, but when her master had wanted her to look impressive for other demons to see, he had dressed Juliet in a collar with lots of shiny stones in it. Juliet didn’t think mortals would want a collar for ‘hounds, but she had seen them admiring shiny stones before, so she thought the stones might be good enough to use for trading. Careful not to scratch it, she worked a claw under a stone until she was able to wiggle it loose, then pried it out of the soft metal with her teeth.

Shiny stone held in her mouth, she waited for her opening. When the last person left the table, leaving only the table’s owner, she sprang into action. Dropping the stone on the table, Juliet snatched up as many sausage links as she could carry without damaging them. She then took the path through Hell to bring her acquisition back to the Bunker Palace. Without even having to ask, the Bunker Palace opened a previously unexplored space for her, a door swinging open to a cold room with hooks where she could hang the sausages safely off the floor.

Once she had dropped off the sausages, she returned to do the same trick at other tables, exchanging shiny stones for jars and bottles of preserved food things until her old collar had no more stones left and the secret cold room was full. After the first few trades, Juliet caught sight of the sausage person examining their shiny stone. The smile that spread across their face was easy enough for even Juliet to read. It was a good trade for everyone.

Juliet nudged a jar of honey into place on its shelf, then backed out of the secret room and pushed the door closed. As she watched, the door handle sank into the wood and the space around the door filled until it didn’t look like there had ever been a door there. Barking once, she nudged the wall with her head to thank the Bunker Palace for its help, then took off running through the halls.

She had just lay down on the floor beside the Kriss Mess tree when the outside door opened with a metallic creak. Footsteps clomped down the stairs, and her people soon appeared, all of them carrying lots of bags. Her master set his bags down on the table with all the circle things and left them to immediately go and ruffle Juliet’s ears. “Hey girl, we’re back! Did you stay camped under this tree the whole time we were gone? That’s alright, you deserve a nice rest.”

Juliet licked her master’s hand and kept her secret to herself, but she really wished she knew how much longer she would have to wait. She was looking forward to seeing what her master thought of her gifts.

*

The next day, Juliet spent the entire day waiting for gift giving time, but it never came. There was no hunt — because apparently her people had agreed not to go looking for hunts until Kriss Mess was over — but even though they were at home all day, it still wasn’t Kriss Mess ritual time. Instead, her master opened up his laptop and said, “Alright, time for a Christmas movie marathon!”

A discussion followed. There wasn’t really enough space in any room for all of them to watch a movie together, unless they all sat around the table with the circle things, and her master said that wasn’t comfortable. Eileen suggested that she and Samoose could watch something on their own. Juliet’s master chuckled a bit, but then Cas said that he wouldn’t say no to their own private movie marathon. They were all saying things with their eyes, but Juliet still had trouble sorting out the meanings of such things.

The rest of the day was spent watching Kriss Mess things. Her master and Cas didn’t pay much attention to the screen, but that was likely because they already understood Kriss Mess. By the end of the day, Juliet still couldn’t figure out what deer, brightly coloured boxes, and a man in a fuzzy red suit had to do with Kriss Mess. She was beginning to think her initial assumption of a powerful spell might not have been entirely correct. None of the laptop stories showed anything important happening after the gifts were shared. In fact, it seemed like giving gifts to loved ones to show your love was what Kriss Mess was all about. With that revelation, waiting became so much more difficult.

The following day, Juliet’s people kept wandering off on their own. First Samoose went to his room after eating his morning foods. That wasn’t odd on its own, but when he came back out with brightly coloured packages, Cas left. Samoose put his packages underneath the Kriss Mess tree, then decided that Juliet needed lots of petting. Juliet wasn’t inclined to argue with him.

She didn’t notice when Cas came back, but after he returned, there were more packages under the tree. Eileen glanced over, then said, “Oh, are we putting them out now?”

Samoose’s hand stilled a moment and he said, “Seemed like as good a time as any.”

Smiling, Eileen said, “Okay,” and left the room. She returned after hardly any time at all with her hands full of packages, which she placed under the tree.

Samoose stared a moment, then patted Juliet’s side and stood up so he could do the finger wiggling thing while he talked. “You just left a minute ago. How’d you wrap them so fast?”

Grinning, Eileen winked. “That’s my little secret.”

Juliet wanted to know what the secret was. She wanted her gifts to look like the others, with cheerful paper wrapping and shiny things on top, but even if she had some, she didn’t have hands. There were a lot of things Juliet could do, and she was proud to be a good guard dog, but there were times she wished she had hands like her people.

Her master rejoined them when he was done cleaning his food room, but he stopped and stared at the colourful packages under the tree. When Samoose asked what was wrong, he replied, “Nothing. Everything’s fine. I’m just gonna…go. I got a thing to take care of.”

Curious, Juliet followed her master back to his room. When he turned to close the door, he startled. “Fuck, you’re always so goddamn quiet. Alright, c’mon in, but you gotta keep this a secret.”

Juliet solemnly nodded. She was good at keeping secrets.

With the door closed, he knelt down — slowly, because he was like an old ‘hound and his knees hurt — and pulled things out from under the bed. He piled them all onto the bed along with a roll of paper with Kriss Mess cookies on it, then got to his feet, groaning. “I wasn’t supposed to get old, y’know. I shoulda died years ago. I mean, I ain’t gonna complain. I wouldn’t miss any o’ this for the world. Gettin’ old is damn hard on the knees, though.”

Crossing the few steps to her master’s side, she nuzzled against him until he petted her head. She could feel he was keeping something from her, but whatever it was, it wasn’t important enough for her to worry about.

It turned out her master was also wrapping his Kriss Mess gifts. He had almost forgotten to do it, but seeing the others had reminded him. As he wrapped each thing, he identified it for Juliet and said who it was for. There was the promised jacket for Samoose (blue and brown instead of orange), a shiny new gun for Eileen, music disc things for Cas, and boxes of candies for each of them.

Each gift was wrapped, labeled, and topped with a thing called a bow. When the last gift was wrapped, Juliet couldn’t help but notice that none of them was for her. She whined at her master and checked under the bed to see if he had missed a gift. Ruffling her ears, her master laughed and said, “Hey, quit it, fuzzball. I got you somethin’, but you’re gonna have to wait until tomorrow to see it.”

_More_ waiting? Juliet didn’t want to wait. She wanted to give gifts to her people. But tomorrow! That meant there was only one more sleep! Juliet licked her master’s hand. She could wait.

They spent the rest of the day accomplishing small tasks, making the Bunker Palace clean and preparing food things for later cooking. After most of the things were done, the Mom person showed up with food in little white paper boxes. Juliet’s master hugged and thanked the Mom person and wished her a merry Kriss Mess. Did that mean the the food in the boxes was the Mom person’s Kriss Mess gifts, even though it wasn’t gift time yet?

If it was, Juliet wasn’t going to complain. Samoose opened a box of meat with a sweet and spicy sort of sauce and gave it to Juliet. She couldn’t get her snout in the box, but her master transformed the box into a plate, which was much easier to use. The meat in the box was only a few bites for Juliet, but it tasted good. She counted it a good Kriss Mess gift. It was also reassuring to know that other people considered food an acceptable gift.

At the end of the day, Juliet followed her master and Cas to their room, where she curled up on the floor beside where her master slept. As always, she was an attentive guard ‘hound, but she still spent the entire night thinking about how her people would react to her gifts. She still wasn’t good with time, but she thought perhaps the night might have been longer than usual because it felt like forever.

When her master woke the next morning, Juliet didn’t wait for him to get out of bed. She felt his wakefulness in the back of her head and she immediately licked his face. He grumbled and complained, but she felt warm and fuzzy things from him, even if he didn’t say them. 

Cas reached across him to pet Juliet’s head. “Good morning, Juliet. Merry Christmas.”

Oh! Cas knew why she was excited! That deserved recognition. Juliet turned her head and licked his arm, which made the corners of his eyes crinkle. It had taken awhile, but Juliet knew now that eye crinkles from Cas were like smiles from everyone else.

Most mornings, her master didn’t want to get out of bed until the Bunker Palace smelled like coffee — he hid under the blanket sometimes, as if Juliet couldn’t smell him — but when Cas said Kriss Mess, it was like so many cups of coffee under her master’s nose. He threw off the blanket and got out of bed with a smile on his face. Juliet couldn’t help but share his excitement. She snatched his robe off the back of the door and brought it to him, tail wagging.

Everything about their daily routine was better. While in the getting wet room, her master and Cas sang Kriss Mess songs, so Juliet joined in from the hallway. Morning food was eggs, greasy potato bits, and so many kinds of pig meats. Her master didn’t even pretend she couldn’t have any — Samoose normally snuck meat to Juliet under the table — but filled a plate just for her.

The Mom person, Eileen, Cas, and Samoose cleaned up the mess, so for once her master didn’t have to. It was so nice to see him take a fresh cup of coffee with him to the book room where he sat in a chair and relaxed. The lights on the tree cast a soft glow on the pile of gifts, which her master watched with a smile on his face. Even without giving gifts, it was already a good day.

The cup of coffee was almost empty by the time the rest of Juliet’s people rejoined them. They all wore smiles, and Samoose carried a plate full of the Kriss Mess cookies they had made before, which he set down on the table. Juliet hoped she would be allowed to have one.

Without waiting for anyone to sit, Juliet’s master hopped up out of his chair, saying, “Dibs on bein’ Santa!”

No one argued, so Juliet got to watch her master distribute gifts for people to open. They unwrapped one thing after another, creating a heap of colourful paper shreds. Each gift was something that was wanted and made the person happy. Or at least, most of them were.

“Seriously, Dean?” said Samoose. “What’s wrong with the jacket I already have?”

Her master pursed his lips and shook his head. “Nothin’. Just, it’s too bright, y’know? Not a good idea on a hunt. This one’s harder to see. Plus, it looks better.”

“I knew it!” replied Samoose. “You just didn’t like the orange one.”

Grinning, her master reached under the tree and pulled out a large’ish package Juliet had watched him wrap, but which was never explained. “You caught me. Good thing that ain’t all I got you. Here you go, man.”

Samoose accepted the cookie-covered box and tore off the paper. When the box inside was revealed, his eyes widened and his eyebrows flew up in search of his hair. “Dude. A Nintendo Switch?”

Juliet’s master shrugged, but there was a smile lurking at the corners of his mouth, and Juliet could feel his happiness. “With Mario Kart. Once we get it set up, we can spike the eggnog and play challenge mode.”

“I’m in,” said the Mom person. “I used to be pretty great at arcade games. It’s about time I see what the new ones are like.”

With a sly smile, Eileen said, “Count me in, but don’t expect me to go easy on you. You’re gonna eat my dust.”

Samoose laughed and put an arm around Eileen. “Thanks, Dean. I love it.”

“Oh, Dean?” said Eileen. “I got you something extra, too. There’s a little wrapped present near the top of the tree. In the branches, just up there.”

Juliet’s master followed Eileen’s directions until he found the thing, then tore off the paper. Inside was a tiny person wearing a hat and an open shirt, but instead of legs, the person had a tail like a fish. There was a shiny loop attached to the tiny person, so he used that to hold it up to show everyone. “Wow. This is…where do you even find something like this, Eileen? I mean, seriously, merman ornaments? Who even buys these?”

Did fish people really exist? Juliet didn’t know. Admittedly, she hadn’t spent much time underwater to know for sure.

“Merry Christmas, Dean,” said Eileen with a grin.

He looked from the fish person to Eileen, and back to the fish person, then chuckled. “You know what? I’m gonna hang it from the Impala’s rearview mirror. Little UPS merman doesn’t deserve to get crammed in a box for eleven months of the year. Ain’t his fault he’s not your typical Christmas ornament.”

The rest of the gifts were happy things that everyone immediately liked. Eventually, there were no more gifts under the tree, and Juliet still hadn’t gotten a gift. She wondered if maybe it was because she hadn’t given her gifts yet. While the Mom person unwrapped the last gift, Juliet dashed off down the hall to where the Bunker Palace had made the small room for her gifts.

It was right where she had last seen it, the door wide open and everything she had traded for sat — with pretty bows on all of the jars — on a piece of wood with a rope attached through a hole in the wood. It was just what she needed to transport everything at once. Barking once she touched her nose to the wall to thank the Bunker Palace for its help. Juliet then took most of the sausage meats off and put them back in the little room before taking the rope between her teeth to drag it all back to her people.

When she was almost there, she heard her master calling, “Juliet? Where’d you go?”

It was hard not to drop the rope and race back to him. Carefully dragging her prizes the rest of the way back, she was rewarded with the wide eyes and open mouths of all five of her people. While they stood stunned, Juliet brought her master a jar of candy and nudged it into his hand until he took it.

Frowning slightly, he turned the jar and looked inside. “Is this— Juliet, did you bring us Christmas presents?” She barked to confirm his words and he smiled. “Well, what else you got there?”

Tail wagging, Juliet distributed the rest of her gifts, making sure that they were shared equally. While she was passing things out, she was pretty sure she saw people trading things, but she was okay with that. She wasn’t quite sure what sort of things the Mom person would want, so it was nice that people were willing to trade with her.

When the last of the foodstuffs had been given, her master said, “I kinda wanna know how you got all this, but I have no idea how you’d even begin to explain, so...thanks.”

The other people followed up with their own thanks, which was nice. Seeing her people happy was enough, even if she didn’t get a gift of her own. She went around the room, licking hands and accepting pats. Even the Mom person, who was still a little scared of her, patted her side. Juliet thought that maybe the Kriss Mess stories finally made sense.

Full of happy Kriss Mess feelings, Juliet cheerfully wagged her tail. Just when she thought the day couldn’t get any better, her master said, “You’ve waited long enough. I think it’s time for your present, Juliet.”

Those words made all of her people smile, but no one made any attempt to follow as her master led her back to his room. Curious, Juliet followed, trying to imagine her present, but failing to come up with anything that made sense. She idly wondered if it was cookies or maybe pig meat, though any sort of meat would have been good.

Approaching the room, Juliet smelled a familiar smell. It was something she hadn’t smelled in a while, and had been certain she would never smell again. Tail wagging, she bumped her nose against her master’s hand as he tried to open the door.

“Woah, hold up,” her master said. “Gimme a sec to get the door open.”

She backed up a step, just until the door was open, then raced through to find the source of the scent. What she found were the sort of soft fabric things that her people rested their heads on while they slept. Her bed on the floor was full of the things and they all smelled like her former master.

Her new master watched her with a smile on his face. “Like ‘em? I had Crowley’s tailor make ‘em out of some of his old suits. I got no use for that much Armani. They’d just be too short on me anyway.”

Juliet buried her nose in the pile and sniffed. It smelled safe and warm, like being a small pup again, held snug by red smoke. She had thought that feeling was gone forever, but her master had turned it into soft sleep things. He was so clever.

She made sure to thank her master, jumping up to lick his face, throughout which he sputtered, “Alright, alright, I get it.”

When he had been adequately thanked, Juliet bumped her head against his chest then looked up at him, trying to tell him without words just how much his gift meant to her. 

In response, he clapped a hand to her side. “I know. Trust me, I get it. Just a couple weeks ago, I almost called him up before I remembered he’s gone. I miss him, too. Don’t tell anyone, though. I’ll deny it. So…Merry Christmas, fuzzball.”

That reminded her, she had one more gift left to give. She gave her master’s hand one last lick, then trotted over to her bed, where she shoved the soft things off to one side and lay down with her head underneath a pile of them. Chuckling, her master said, “Alright, I’m gonna go hook up Sam’s new game. You c’mon back out an’ join us later, if you feel like it.”

Waiting until he was gone, Juliet jumped into the shadowed corner to shortcut through Hell, reemerging right inside the secret room. Along with the sausages, there was a plateful of cookies, a strand of Kriss Mess lights, and some of the colourful decorations that had been meant for the tree, all on a piece of wood with a rope like the other things had been.

Seeing the things that had been added by the Bunker Palace, Juliet knew exactly what she was missing. A quick shortcut through the shadows took her to the forest of small Kriss Mess trees. Keeping her master’s instructions in mind, she searched the trees until she found one that looked full all the way around. It was a smaller tree, but she only had one string of lights and a few decorations, so she decided it was suitable.

She didn’t have a sharp metal thing, but she had strong jaws, so she bit down hard on the wood until it splintered between her teeth. It was an awful taste, and the bits of wood hurt a little, but she was soon able to knock the tree over. From there, she dragged it into a shadow and straight to Hell.

The moment she arrived, the newest pack of tiny mostly-noncorporeal pups sprang into action, crowding around the tree, barking at it and trying to taste it. The most adventurous few tried to attack with teeth or claws, but since they weren’t corporeal yet, they passed right through its branches. Juliet appreciated not being a hell pup target for once.

It wasn’t long before Connall ran over, his leather/bones/fresh meat smell preceding him, but only barely due to the overwhelming smell of tree. As always, he was covered in ash and soot from the kennel fires. He skidded to a stop once he came into view. “Juliet? Did you bring this?”

Juliet barked to confirm his guess, then clamped her jaws around the tree’s base and dragged it a bit closer to him. The two pups who had managed to manifest solidly enough to climb atop it went tumbling back down, falling into the mass of pups crowded around. Knowing that Connall would understand, Juliet gave him the signal to wait. She then shadow travelled back to the Bunker Palace, where she retrieved the things from the small new room and jumped immediately back to Hell’s kennel.

Time ran differently in Hell. She hadn’t been gone long, but it had been enough Hell time for Connall to get the tree propped up between some of the kennel’s rocks so it stood upright. Connall was such a good dog.

Juliet dragged her pile of things over to Connall, then let go of the rope to bark for his attention. Turning, he spotted the Kriss Mess things and his ash-flecked face broke into a grin. “I wondered when you brought the tree, but I wasn’t sure. You’re too good to us, Juliet. Pups! Juliet has brought us Christmas!”

The pups obviously had no idea what he meant, but Connall’s enthusiasm was contagious. He soon had the lights and decorations on the tree, powering the former with a touch of his hand, so the colourful lights brightened the surrounding rocks. Old, retired ‘hounds gamely gnawed on sausages while young pups did their very best just to get a taste. When everything was set up, Connall sat on the rock nearest the tree and bit into a cookie. The smile on his face was all the thanks she needed.

When everything had been distributed and everyone seemed content, Juliet decided there was just one thing missing: Kriss Mess songs. Making an effort to get the sounds right, she tried to sing the song she had most enjoyed.

Connall cocked his head to listen, then laughed. “You’re right, we were missing that.” He listened for a moment, tapping his foot, then joined in.

_Through the years we all will be together_  
_If the fates allow_  
_Hang a shining star upon the highest bough,_  
_And have yourself a merry little Christmas now._  


It wasn’t long before the little pups were singing along, too, but their little howls were nothing like the song. It didn’t matter. It was a perfect Kriss Mess.

**Author's Note:**

> Surprise!! This is actually a fic for spn Coldest Hits along with being a sequel to the most popular thing I've ever written. I won last month's competition, so I got to choose [the theme for this month](http://spncoldesthits.tumblr.com/post/168440742063/spncoldesthits-mayalaen-under-the-missile). The theme I chose required writers to write a fic inspired by the title of a Christmas song. I had just finished submitting my idea for the month's theme when it occurred to me -- I could write a Christmas special for Hell on Earth. It was an idea I couldn't pass up.
> 
> Since it's my theme this month, I'm not actually competing, I'm just playing along. Please, I encourage you to click the kudos button and leave me all the comments. Your words help my words turn into more stories for you.
> 
> If you enjoyed this and would like more Juliet (and have already read the rest of this series), I have [a series from her perspective](http://archiveofourown.org/series/576391).  
> If you'd like more from grey2510 (who wrote Dean in the original Well Endowed), grey has [plenty of fics for you to read](http://archiveofourown.org/users/grey2510/pseuds/grey2510).  
> And if you're eager for more new things from me, mark your calendars, because my fic for the Crowley Big Bang will post on December 20th. It's called Roadhouse Ten, and it's technically a sequel to [Sundown, Sundown](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11367363), but if you're unfamiliar with that fic, I've made sure new readers will still be able to understand. It's a post-12x23 fic from Crowley's point of view. Yup, Crowley. Go click that link up there for Sundown, Sundown if you haven't read it already. That'll explain everything.
> 
> Lastly, if you're somehow still reading this and aren't already following me on Tumblr, you can find me there as @thayerkerbasy. Thanks for reading!


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